Much as I’d love to shimmy around this topic altogether, to avoid confrontation and have a quiet life – I can’t. Especially seeing as I’ll most likely be writing about my experiences whilst here and you would have found me out sooner or later. So I’m fessing up. It was only a matter of time (given that I’m writing for the Green Parent!) before I’d have to lay my cards on the table for all to see, at which point you’d notice that out of a full pack, not many of them are particularly green. There are definitely plenty of pastel-green hues, but you’ll be struggling to find a really green one in there. So there we are, I’m green-ish, but evidently, given that I’m about to blow around 3,300kgs1 of CO2 into the atmosphere (13,200kgs if you count the whole family), I’m not exactly green.
I’ve done my permaculture design course, lived off-grid in a bender in the woods, become a freecycle fan, not to mention having had my fair share of eco-warrior boyfriends – a pretty good green track record. But flying? Not even for emergency reasons but simply because I wanted to spend time with my Australian family? It’s surely a no-no for anyone wanting to lighten their load on the planet. Yet it’s a dilemma facing many people today – especially amongst conservationists who choose to fly to remote areas to work and study the effects of global warming! Hhmm.
Even in my own circle of friends, the subject is taboo. It used to be for me too. I wrestled with it for years, working out if carbon offsets could appease my guilty conscience (which, after further research into the carbon offset ‘industry’, it seemed they couldn’t). I tried to work out if the ‘good’ that I was going to do when I reached my destination would somehow outweigh the ‘bad’ that I’d accrued by getting there. And I looked at alternative, overland travel. This option, had I a few spare thousand pounds and a few extra months, could have been viable. But I didn’t. So how did I end the internal struggle that had been weighing on my shoulders every time I had the opportunity to fly somewhere? I came to it, not by way of any deep, scientific analysis, nor by way of resignation to the ‘well they’re flying anyway’ mind-set, but through deep listening to my energy. By my energy, I mean my spirit. The part of me that quietly observes all my ups and downs, my wobbles and my triumphs. I’ve learnt, through various means, that when I focus my attention on my energy, I’m able to sense if it’s ascending or descending. Ideally (if increasing our awareness of who we really are is something we value), it should be ascending at all times. This is quite a task, as, being human and all that, we tend to spend far more time engaging in descending activities than we do ascending ones. Thankfully, it’s well within our power to change this – and quite possibly our reason for being here in the first place.
So now, when I focus on a choice (what to eat, what to write, who to hang out with, where to go etc) I can get a sense of how that choice will effect my energy. This came, over the years, as a huge sense of relief to me, as I was increasingly able to regain control of my life from my beliefs, judgements, should’s and could’s, and place it back in the gentle (although not exactly soft) hands of my spirit. Instead of deliberating endlessly over questions like ‘What should I do?’, I look within. It sounds clichéd, I know, but it works. And yet, of course, it’s not an easy path to tread. As it often happens, others around you might think you’re selfish, bonkers or even deluded. Sometimes all three. And they may well be right. But the stronger your sense of your spirit, and your sense of what you need to do to be more in tune with it, the less bothered you become by others opinions on how you’re living your life. And, oddly enough, the more you accept their way of living theirs.
Still, as I write this, I’m aware of thoughts and feelings rising up to the surface. ‘What will they think?’ ‘What if people don’t agree?’ I notice the thoughts come up. I notice how I feel. And I check my energy to see how it’s doing. Focusing on my writing, it’s ascending.
Focusing on my anxiety, it starts to fall. So I follow my spirit, and keep writing. I realise I may be putting myself in the firing line, but that’s what I need to do. And you may have guessed that flying to Australia (and, she says, reluctantly pulling that last grey card out from up her sleeve, to France this year) came out as OK.
A Different View - photo © Javier Borja (www.jbfotografia.blogspot.com)
Perhaps it’s because the places I’ll visit hold empowerments for me. Or maybe it’s for my son to spend time with his grandparents. But I don’t need to know why at this point. I’m following my spirit, and so far, it’s never let me, or those around me, down. In fact, it seems to have done quite the opposite.
. . .
Further resources:
chooseclimate.org
jpmorganclimatecare.com/projects/portfolios/2009/
personal sessions to help you make the right choices for you
Living with Energy Awareness Training
